Time to Talk Day: why so many parents struggle to speak about traumatic birth experiences
Time to Talk Day encourages open conversations about mental health. For many parents, particularly those affected by traumatic pregnancy, birth or baby loss, talking can feel anything but easy.
We often hear from parents who say, “I didn’t talk about it for months” or “I thought I should just be grateful we survived.” For those whose experiences involved fear, emergency care or loss, silence is common. Not because the trauma wasn’t significant, but because it was overwhelming.
Trauma doesn’t always look the way people expect
Trauma following childbirth or neonatal care is often misunderstood. Many parents assume trauma only applies to extreme cases, but it can also arise from:
- feeling dismissed when raising concerns
- sudden emergencies such as cord prolapse or maternal collapse
- separation from a baby after birth
- witnessing life-saving treatment
- loss following days of uncertainty and hope
Trauma can sit quietly. Parents may function, return to work and care for their families while experiencing flashbacks, anxiety, sleep disturbance or an ongoing sense of being unsafe.
Why parents don’t talk
There are many reasons parents struggle to speak openly:
- fear of being seen as ungrateful
- guilt about surviving when a baby did not
- worry about upsetting loved ones
- language barriers or cultural expectations
- simply not having the words
Some parents are also told, directly or indirectly, that what they experienced was “normal”, even when it didn’t feel that way to them.
When concerns were dismissed
A common theme in traumatic birth stories is not just what happened clinically, but how concerns were handled. Parents often describe:
- raising worries that were minimised or dismissed
- being reassured without explanation
- feeling pressured to go home despite unease
- not being given clear safety-netting advice
Being unheard can compound trauma and leave lasting emotional harm, even where physical recovery occurs.
It’s okay if talking comes later
For many families, talking does not happen straight away. It may take months or longer before questions surface. This is normal.
Time to Talk Day is not about forcing conversations. It’s about creating space. Space to reflect, to ask questions, and to be heard without judgement.
Seeking clarity is part of healing
For some parents, understanding what happened medically forms part of their recovery. Asking questions does not mean seeking to blame. It means wanting answers, reassurance or acknowledgment.
Support can take many forms: therapy, peer support, trusted friends, or professional advice. There is no right path and no timetable.
A gentle reminder
If you are a parent living with the aftermath of a traumatic birth or loss, it’s understandable if talking feels difficult, you are not alone in feeling this way and know that you do not have to face it alone.
And if you are only just finding the words now, that is still enough.
For more support, you could contact any of the following:
Sands – Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support
Hannah Carr, Legal Director and Specialist Medical Negligence from MDS, said “Trauma after birth isn’t always obvious and it is important to know that you are not alone. There’s never a right way to find the words to describe trauma, let alone navigate it. Don’t give yourself a hard time about how you feel or how you express that. It’s never too late to start talking, to ask questions, to be heard and to be understood."
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